What is sanctification?
6 min read
Sanctification is God's ongoing work of making you holy - setting you apart for His purposes and transforming you to look more like Christ. It's not a one-time event but a lifelong process where the Holy Spirit works in you to change your heart, mind, and actions from the inside out. For your marriage, this changes everything. When you understand that God is actively working to transform you, you stop trying to fix yourself through willpower alone. You partner with Him in the process. This means submitting areas of pride, selfishness, and sin to Him while actively pursuing spiritual disciplines that open your heart to His transforming work.
The Full Picture
Most men think sanctification is about trying harder to be good. That's not it at all. Sanctification is God's work in you, not your work for God. It's the Holy Spirit taking the new nature you received at salvation and making it more and more evident in your daily life.
Here's what's actually happening: When you became a Christian, God declared you righteous (justification) and began the process of making you righteous in practice (sanctification). Think of it like this - justification changes your legal status before God, sanctification changes your actual character and behavior.
This process involves three key elements: God's sovereign work (He initiates and sustains the change), your active participation (you choose to cooperate through spiritual disciplines), and the Holy Spirit's power (He provides the strength you lack).
In marriage, sanctification means God uses your relationship as a primary tool for your transformation. Your wife's responses, conflicts, and daily interactions become opportunities for the Spirit to reveal areas that need growth. The friction in marriage isn't a problem to solve - it's often God's sandpaper smoothing your rough edges.
This is why marriage can feel so challenging. God isn't primarily concerned with your comfort; He's committed to your holiness. Every moment of tension, every conflict, every opportunity to choose selflessness over selfishness becomes a chance for sanctification to work. When you embrace this perspective, your marriage becomes a sacred partnership in spiritual growth rather than just a source of personal happiness.
What's Really Happening
From a psychological perspective, sanctification aligns perfectly with what we understand about authentic behavioral change. The process involves both conscious decision-making and deeper identity transformation - exactly what research shows is necessary for lasting change.
When men try to change their marriage behavior through willpower alone, they're fighting against deeply ingrained neural pathways and emotional patterns. Sanctification offers something different: it works at the identity level first. As a man's core identity shifts from self-focused to Christ-focused, his behavioral patterns naturally begin to follow.
This process typically involves what psychologists call 'cognitive restructuring' - changing the underlying thought patterns and beliefs that drive behavior. But sanctification goes deeper than cognitive techniques. It involves the Holy Spirit working at the level of motivation and desire, gradually shifting what you actually want, not just what you know you should do.
In marriage counseling, I see the difference immediately when a man understands sanctification versus when he's just trying to follow rules. Rule-followers often become rigid and judgmental. Men who embrace sanctification become more flexible, humble, and genuinely loving because the change is happening from within.
The clinical research on spiritual practices supports this theological truth. Men who engage in prayer, Scripture meditation, and spiritual community show measurable improvements in emotional regulation, empathy, and relationship satisfaction. Sanctification isn't just spiritual theory - it creates real psychological and relational transformation that benefits the entire marriage.
What Scripture Says
Scripture is clear that sanctification is both God's work and your responsibility. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 states, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification." It's not optional - God expects and enables your growth in holiness.
2 Corinthians 3:18 reveals the process: "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Notice it's progressive - "from one degree of glory to another." Sanctification is gradual, not instant.
Philippians 2:12-13 shows both sides: "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." You work because God works. Your effort is empowered by His Spirit.
Ephesians 4:22-24 describes the practical process: "Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life... and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." This is active participation - you choose what to put off and put on.
For marriage specifically, Ephesians 5:25-27 shows that Christ's love for the church involves sanctification: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her." Your love should contribute to your wife's spiritual growth, just as hers contributes to yours.
Romans 8:29 reveals God's ultimate goal: "For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son." Sanctification is about becoming like Jesus in character, attitude, and love.
What To Do Right Now
-
1
Identify one specific area where God is calling you to change (pride, anger, selfishness) and confess it honestly to Him
-
2
Establish a daily time for Scripture reading and prayer, asking God to show you areas needing transformation
-
3
Choose one spiritual discipline (fasting, silence, service) to practice this week as cooperation with God's sanctifying work
-
4
Ask your wife to pray for your spiritual growth and give her permission to lovingly point out blind spots
-
5
Find an accountability partner or mentor who can walk with you in spiritual growth and character development
-
6
When conflict arises in marriage, immediately ask 'How is God wanting to sanctify me through this situation?'
Related Questions
Ready to Partner with God in Your Transformation?
Sanctification isn't something you figure out alone. Get the biblical framework and practical tools you need to cooperate with God's transforming work in your life and marriage.
Start Growing →