What does 'put off/put on' mean practically?
6 min read
The 'put off/put on' principle is God's blueprint for real change. It's not enough to just stop bad behaviors - you must actively replace them with godly ones. Think of it like changing clothes: you don't just take off dirty clothes and stay naked. You put on clean ones. Practically, this means when you 'put off' anger toward your wife, you simultaneously 'put on' patience and gentleness. When you 'put off' selfish ambition, you 'put on' servant leadership. It's a two-step process that creates lasting transformation because it fills the vacuum left by removed behaviors with Christ-centered alternatives.
The Full Picture
The 'put off/put on' principle comes straight from Ephesians 4:22-24 and represents the core mechanism of biblical transformation. Most men fail at change because they focus only on stopping bad behaviors without replacing them with good ones. That's like trying to create a vacuum in your character - it doesn't work.
Here's why this principle is revolutionary: It acknowledges that lasting change requires both removal and replacement. Your brain needs new neural pathways, not just abandoned old ones. When you only focus on stopping negative behaviors, you create an empty space that will inevitably be filled by the same old patterns.
The Apostle Paul understood this. He consistently paired negative behaviors to remove with positive behaviors to embrace. This isn't behavior modification - it's Spirit-empowered transformation. You're not just trying harder; you're cooperating with God's design for change.
In marriage, this looks like replacing criticism with encouragement, replacing withdrawal with engagement, replacing defensiveness with ownership. The key is intentionality. You must be as deliberate about putting on the new as you are about putting off the old.
This process requires both divine power and human responsibility. God provides the power through His Spirit, but you must choose to cooperate with that power daily. It's not automatic - it's a conscious, repeated choice to live according to your new identity in Christ rather than your old fallen nature.
What's Really Happening
From a neurological perspective, the 'put off/put on' principle aligns perfectly with how our brains actually change. When we only focus on stopping negative behaviors, we're essentially trying to weaken neural pathways without strengthening alternative ones. This rarely works long-term because the brain defaults to familiar patterns, especially under stress.
The replacement aspect is crucial because it gives the brain a new, stronger pathway to follow. When you consciously practice new behaviors alongside removing old ones, you're literally rewiring your neural networks. This is why Paul's instruction is so practical - it works with how God designed our minds to function.
In couples therapy, I see this principle succeed where willpower alone fails. Men who simply try to 'stop being angry' usually relapse quickly. But men who actively practice gentleness while addressing their anger create sustainable change. The key is simultaneous action - not sequential.
This process also addresses the identity component of change. When you only focus on what you're removing, you reinforce a negative identity. But when you focus equally on what you're putting on, you're building a positive identity based on who you are in Christ. Your actions begin to align with your new identity rather than fighting against your old one.
The most successful transformations I observe happen when men understand they're not just changing behaviors - they're putting on Christ Himself as their new way of being.
What Scripture Says
The 'put off/put on' principle is woven throughout Scripture, giving us God's clear method for transformation:
Ephesians 4:22-24 establishes the foundation: *"Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."*
Paul immediately applies this principle in Ephesians 4:25: *"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor."* Notice the pattern - remove lying, replace with truth-telling.
Ephesians 4:28 continues: *"Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need."* Stop stealing, start working and giving.
Colossians 3:8-10 expands this: *"But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth... and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator."*
Colossians 3:12 shows what to put on: *"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience."*
Romans 13:12 uses the clothing metaphor: *"Let us then cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light."*
This isn't about trying harder - it's about cooperating with God's transforming power through deliberate, faith-filled action.
What To Do Right Now
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1
Identify one specific behavior you need to 'put off' in your marriage (criticism, withdrawal, anger, etc.)
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2
Choose the opposite godly behavior to 'put on' (encouragement, engagement, gentleness) and write both down
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3
Pray specifically for God's power to help you make this exchange, not just stop the negative behavior
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Practice the new behavior intentionally today, even if you don't feel like it - act your way into new feelings
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When you catch yourself in the old behavior, immediately pivot to the new one instead of just stopping
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Track your progress daily for one week, celebrating each time you successfully make the exchange
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