How do I know God's will in this?
6 min read
Knowing God's will starts with understanding that He reveals it progressively through His Word, prayer, wise counsel, and circumstances. In marriage struggles, God's will is rarely about whether to stay or go, but about who you're becoming in the process. His primary will is your sanctification - becoming more like Christ through whatever you're facing. This means seeking His heart through Scripture, spending time in honest prayer, and surrounding yourself with mature believers who can speak truth into your situation. God's will isn't hidden from those who genuinely seek Him with humble hearts.
The Full Picture
The question "What is God's will?" often emerges from desperation rather than devotion. When marriages hit crisis points, spouses frantically search for divine permission slips - hoping God will either bless their exit strategy or guarantee their restoration efforts. But this approach fundamentally misunderstands how God operates.
God's will isn't a cosmic treasure hunt where you decode mysterious signs. It's a relational revelation that unfolds as you draw closer to Him. His will becomes clearer as your heart aligns with His character and purposes. The problem is we often want God's will without God's ways, His decisions without His discipleship.
In marriage crises, people commonly ask the wrong questions: "Should I leave?" "Will my spouse change?" "How long should I wait?" These focus on circumstances rather than character. God is more concerned with who you're becoming than what you're getting. His will centers on your transformation, not just your situation's resolution.
Consider that God's will might not be about solving your marriage problems quickly, but about sanctifying you through them. His will could involve learning forgiveness you never thought possible, developing patience that reflects His own heart, or discovering strength you didn't know existed. The crisis isn't interrupting God's plan for your life - it might be the very vehicle He's using to accomplish it.
Understanding God's will requires shifting from demanding specific outcomes to trusting His character. When you know who God is - loving, just, merciful, sovereign - you can trust His guidance even when the path isn't clear.
What's Really Happening
From a psychological perspective, the desperate search for God's will during marital crisis often masks anxiety and the need for control. When people feel overwhelmed by uncertainty, they seek divine confirmation for decisions they've already made emotionally. This creates a form of spiritual bypassing - using religious concepts to avoid dealing with difficult emotions and responsibilities.
Research shows that people in crisis states have compromised decision-making abilities due to elevated stress hormones. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thinking, becomes less active while the amygdala triggers fight-or-flight responses. This neurological reality explains why "hearing from God" feels so elusive during intense marital conflict - your brain isn't in optimal condition for spiritual discernment.
Healthy discernment requires what psychologists call emotional regulation. When you're reactive, desperate, or in survival mode, you're more likely to project your desires onto spiritual experiences. True spiritual guidance emerges from a place of groundedness, not panic. This is why biblical wisdom emphasizes waiting, prayer, and seeking counsel - these practices naturally regulate your nervous system and create space for clearer thinking.
The most spiritually mature individuals I work with don't seek God's will as an escape from difficulty, but as a framework for growing through it. They understand that divine guidance often comes through the process of wrestling with hard choices, not in avoiding them.
What Scripture Says
Scripture provides clear principles for discerning God's will, especially during difficult seasons. Proverbs 3:5-6 establishes the foundation: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." This isn't about receiving mystical revelations, but about surrendering your agenda to His.
Romans 12:1-2 reveals God's will through transformation: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Notice the sequence: surrender leads to transformation, which enables discernment.
James 1:5 promises wisdom for those who ask: "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." This wisdom comes through relationship, not just requests. Psalm 37:4 adds, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." As you delight in God, your desires align with His will.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reveals God's universal will: "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." His will includes your response to trials, not just their resolution. Finally, Micah 6:8 summarizes His requirements: "To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
What To Do Right Now
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Saturate yourself in Scripture - Read passages about God's character, not just verses about marriage. Let His heart shape your perspective on your situation.
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Establish consistent prayer time - Move beyond crisis prayers to regular communion. God reveals His will to those who consistently seek His presence, not just His answers.
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Seek godly counsel - Find mature believers who will speak truth, not just comfort. God often reveals His will through the wisdom of others.
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Examine your motives - Ask yourself if you want God's will or His approval for your will. Honest self-examination is crucial for spiritual discernment.
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Focus on character over circumstances - Instead of asking "What should I do?" ask "Who is God calling me to become through this?"
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Wait actively, not passively - Use waiting periods to grow spiritually, seek healing, and develop wisdom rather than simply enduring until you get an answer.
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