How do I tell the kids?

This is one of the hardest conversations you'll ever have. There's no way to make it painless. But there are ways to minimize harm and maximize your children's sense of security.

Before the conversation:

Coordinate with her if possible. Ideally, you tell the kids together with a unified message. If that's not possible, at least agree on what will be said and when.

Choose the right time. Not before school. Not before bed. Not right before a holiday or birthday. Give them time and space to process.

Have a plan for what comes next. They'll want to know: Where will I live? Where will you live? Will I change schools? Have answers to the practical questions.

The conversation itself:

Keep it simple. 'Mom and Dad have decided we're not going to live together anymore.' You don't need to explain why. You don't need to assign blame.

Make clear it's not their fault. Children almost always wonder if they caused this. Say it explicitly: 'This is not because of anything you did. This is about Mom and Dad.'

Affirm your love. 'We both love you so much. That will never change. You will always have both of us.'

Don't badmouth her. Whatever your feelings, your children need to love their mother. Protect that relationship.

Give permission to feel. 'It's okay to feel sad or angry or confused. We're here for you no matter what you're feeling.'

After the conversation:

Be present. The days after this conversation matter enormously. Show up. Be available. Don't retreat into your own grief.

Maintain routine. Stability is security. Keep bedtimes, mealtimes, activities as consistent as possible.

Watch for reactions. Kids process differently. Some cry immediately. Some seem fine and fall apart later. Some act out. Stay attentive.

Matthew 18:6 issues a sobering warning: 'If anyone causes one of these little ones — those who believe in me — to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.'

This isn't about guilt — it's about gravity. How you handle this moment matters eternally. Your children are watching how adults navigate crisis, pain, and broken promises. What they learn now shapes their understanding of God, marriage, and trustworthiness.

Psalm 34:18 says 'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' Your children's hearts are breaking. God is near to them — and you are His instrument of comfort in this moment.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 calls fathers to teach children 'when you sit at home and when you walk along the road.' Your instruction isn't just in formal conversations — it's in how you live through this. Are you modeling integrity? Self-control? Faith in difficulty?

Ephesians 6:4: 'Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.' Don't burden them with your anger, your bitterness, your desire to be vindicated. Protect their peace.

Your children need you to be their father, not their confidant, not their ally against their mother, not their emotional support. Father them well through this.