What He Should Be Doing

8 questions

What does 'the work' actually mean?

When we talk about 'the work' in marriage, we mean the intentional, ongoing effort to examine your patterns, take responsibility for your actions, and...

What is he doing with his coach?

When your husband works with a marriage coach, he's likely focusing on understanding his own patterns, taking responsibility for his part in marriage ...

Is his program legitimate?

The legitimacy of your husband's program depends on several key factors: clinical credentials, evidence-based approaches, [accountability structures](...

What should he be learning?

Your husband should be learning [emotional intelligence](/answers/becoming-the-man/how-do-i-become-emotionally-intelligent), effective communication, ...

How involved should I be in his process?

Your involvement in his process should be like a loving witness, not a project manager. You can encourage, pray for him, and celebrate progress, but y...

Should I talk to his coach?

Generally speaking, no - you shouldn't reach out to your husband's coach without his knowledge and consent. His coaching relationship needs to be a sa...

What can I expect from this process?

When your husband begins working on your marriage, expect a process that unfolds in stages rather than overnight transformation. You'll likely see ini...

How long does real transformation take?

Real transformation in marriage takes 12-24 months of consistent, intentional work. Surface changes can happen quickly - he might start being nicer or...