Marriage Research

What is 'negative sentiment override' and does she have it?

Negative sentiment override is Dr. John Gottman's term for when your wife has become so hurt and hopeless that she automatically interprets everything...

What are the Four Horsemen and which ones killed us?

Dr. John Gottman's Four Horsemen are **criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling** - the communication patterns that predict divorce with 9...

What does Gottman research say about how marriages die?

Dr. John Gottman's groundbreaking research identified that marriages don't die from one big blow-up—they die from **what he calls the Four Horsemen**:...

What is the 'distance and isolation cascade'?

The distance and isolation cascade is a research-backed pattern that shows how marriages deteriorate through predictable stages of emotional withdrawa...

What does it mean when contempt enters a marriage?

When contempt enters your marriage, you're looking at relationship poison in its purest form. Dr. John Gottman identified contempt as the single great...

What are 'failed bids for connection' and how many did I miss?

A 'bid for connection' is any attempt your wife made to get your attention, affection, or support - from asking about your day to commenting on someth...

What is 'turning away' vs. 'turning against'?

In marriage research, 'turning away' means dismissing or ignoring your spouse's attempts to connect, while 'turning against' means actively responding...

Why does she remember everything differently than I do?

She's not making it up, and you're not losing your mind. Men and women literally encode and retrieve memories differently, especially emotional memori...