What did Jesus say about divorce?

6 min read

Biblical marriage coaching image explaining what Jesus actually taught about divorce and God's design for marriage covenant

Jesus was remarkably clear about divorce. In Matthew 19:3-9, when questioned by the Pharisees, He pointed back to God's original design for marriage: 'What God has joined together, let no one separate.' Jesus explained that Moses permitted divorce only because of the hardness of people's hearts, but 'from the beginning it was not so.' He stated that divorce is only permissible in cases of sexual immorality (porneia), and that remarriage after divorce constitutes adultery unless the divorce was for this biblical ground. This wasn't Jesus being harsh—it was Jesus protecting the sacred covenant of marriage and pointing us toward God's best for our relationships.

The Full Picture

When the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus with questions about divorce, they expected a simple yes or no answer. Instead, Jesus revolutionized their understanding by taking them back to Genesis—to God's original blueprint for marriage.

God's Design vs. Human Compromise

Jesus made a crucial distinction between God's ideal and human accommodation. Moses permitted divorce certificates not because God approved of divorce, but because of 'hardness of heart'—a legal protection for women in a culture where abandoned wives faced destitution. But Jesus said, 'from the beginning it was not so.'

This doesn't mean Jesus was unrealistic about human failure. He acknowledged that sexual immorality (porneia) could break the marriage covenant so severely that divorce becomes permissible. The word porneia encompasses various forms of sexual unfaithfulness that violate the exclusive intimacy marriage represents.

The Heart Behind the Teaching

Jesus wasn't creating impossible standards to burden people. He was revealing God's heart for marriage as a reflection of His covenant love. When He said remarriage after divorce constitutes adultery (except for the innocent party in cases of sexual immorality), He was protecting the sanctity of the marriage bond.

Practical Implications

This teaching means divorce should never be our first response to marital problems. It calls us to fight for our marriages, seek healing, and pursue reconciliation. Even when facing legitimate grounds for divorce, couples are encouraged to consider whether restoration is possible through repentance, counseling, and God's grace.

What's Really Happening

From a therapeutic perspective, Jesus' teaching on divorce aligns remarkably with what we know about healthy relationship dynamics. His emphasis on permanence and commitment actually creates the psychological safety necessary for deep intimacy and growth.

When couples know divorce isn't the default escape route, they're more likely to develop crucial conflict resolution skills. Research consistently shows that couples who view marriage as permanent invest more energy in problem-solving and are more willing to work through difficult seasons.

Jesus' exception for sexual immorality recognizes a psychological reality: betrayal trauma from infidelity can so severely damage trust and attachment that the relationship becomes toxic. However, even here, His teaching doesn't mandate divorce—it permits it while leaving room for restoration when there's genuine repentance.

The 'hardness of heart' Jesus referenced isn't just ancient history. We see it today when individuals become emotionally closed, refusing vulnerability, accountability, or change. This emotional shutdown often precedes marital breakdown. Jesus' teaching challenges us to guard against hardness of heart in ourselves while recognizing when we're dealing with it in others.

What's particularly striking is how Jesus' approach balances grace and truth. He upholds the ideal while acknowledging human brokenness, creating space for both high standards and compassionate response to failure.

What Scripture Says

Matthew 19:3-6: *'Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."*

Jesus immediately redirected the conversation from legal technicalities to God's design. Marriage isn't a human contract but a divine joining.

Matthew 19:8-9: *'Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."*

This verse establishes the single biblical ground for divorce while maintaining that remarriage is adultery unless the divorce was for sexual immorality.

Mark 10:11-12: *'He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."*

Mark's account emphasizes the mutual nature of this teaching, applying equally to both husbands and wives.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11: *'To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.'*

Paul reinforces Jesus' teaching while emphasizing reconciliation as the preferred path.

What To Do Right Now

  1. 1

    Examine your heart for hardness—are you closed off to growth, change, or reconciliation in your marriage?

  2. 2

    If considering divorce, honestly assess whether you've exhausted all efforts at restoration and healing

  3. 3

    Seek wise counsel from mature believers and professional counselors before making any permanent decisions

  4. 4

    For those facing sexual infidelity: take time to process the betrayal trauma before deciding about the marriage's future

  5. 5

    If divorced outside biblical grounds, consider God's grace while committing to honor Him in your current situation

  6. 6

    Focus on becoming the spouse God calls you to be regardless of your partner's response

Related Questions

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