Attachment Response

I'm panicking and want to pursue her — is that my attachment style?

Yes, that overwhelming urge to pursue your wife when she's pulling away is absolutely your [attachment system](/answers/separation-and-space/what-does...

Why do I feel like I'm going to die if she leaves?

That overwhelming terror you're feeling? It's real, it's primal, and it makes complete sense. When your wife threatens to leave, your nervous system i...

What is anxious attachment and am I doing it right now?

[Anxious attachment](/answers/she-wants-out/im-panicking-and-want-to-pursue-her-is-that-my-attachment-style) is when you desperately chase connection ...

She seems cold and detached — is that avoidant attachment?

When your wife seems cold and detached, you're probably seeing a **protective response**, not necessarily avoidant attachment. True avoidant attachmen...

Why does my pursuing make her pull away more?

Your pursuing makes her pull away because you've triggered her [fight-or-flight response](/answers/she-wants-out/how-do-i-regulate-when-my-body-is-in-...

What's the pursue-withdraw cycle and how do I stop it?

The [pursue-withdraw cycle](/answers/she-wants-out/why-does-my-pursuing-make-her-pull-away-more) is the dance of death for marriages. You feel disconn...

How do attachment injuries from childhood show up now?

Your [childhood attachment](/answers/becoming-the-man/what-did-i-learn-about-love-from-my-parents) injuries are likely showing up in your marriage as ...

What does 'protest behavior' look like and am I doing it?

Protest behavior is your attachment system's desperate attempt to reconnect when you sense your [wife pulling away](/answers/she-wants-out/why-does-my...