What does good homework look like?

Let me be straight with you—homework in marriage coaching isn't like school assignments where you check boxes and move on. It's the real work that happens between our sessions, where you take what we've discussed and apply it to your actual marriage.

Good homework has four key characteristics:

First, it's specific and actionable. Instead of "communicate better with your husband," good homework might be "Use the listening technique we practiced to have a 15-minute conversation about weekend plans without interrupting or defending."

Second, it's measurable. You should be able to tell me exactly what happened, what worked, and what didn't. This isn't about success or failure—it's about gathering information that helps us refine your approach.

Third, it's relevant to your goals. Every assignment should connect directly to the changes you want to see in your marriage. If you're working on rebuilding trust, your homework will look different than if you're addressing communication patterns or intimacy issues.

Fourth, it's appropriately challenging. Good homework stretches you without overwhelming you. It should feel like a manageable next step, not a mountain to climb.

What homework might include: - Specific conversations to have (or avoid) - New responses to practice when triggers arise - Boundary-setting exercises - Self-care commitments - Observation assignments (noticing patterns without trying to change them) - Prayer or reflection practices - Reading assignments with specific application questions

Remember, the goal isn't to do homework perfectly—it's to learn from the experience and use that learning to inform our next steps together.

Scripture consistently emphasizes the importance of putting wisdom into practice rather than simply accumulating knowledge. James 1:22 warns us: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." This principle applies directly to marriage coaching homework—understanding what needs to change isn't enough; we must act on that understanding.

Proverbs 27:17 reminds us that "as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Homework creates opportunities for this sharpening process to occur in your marriage through intentional practice and interaction.

The parable of the wise and foolish builders in Matthew 7:24-27 illustrates why consistent practice matters: "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." Your marriage is built through countless small actions and responses—homework helps ensure these building blocks align with godly wisdom.

Philippians 4:9 provides a model for transformative learning: "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Notice the progression from learning to practicing, with God's peace as the result.

Luke 14:28 emphasizes the importance of intentional planning: "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost?" Good homework helps you count the cost of change and approach it strategically.

Finally, 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 reminds us that transformation requires training: "Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training." Marriage homework is training for the prize of a thriving, God-honoring relationship.