The Children

How do I tell the kids?

Tell them together if possible, keep it simple and age-appropriate, and make clear that it's not their fault and both parents still love them. Don't b...

Should I stay together for the kids?

It depends on what 'staying together' looks like. Children in high-conflict homes often do better after divorce. But children in low-conflict homes wh...

What do I say when kids ask what's happening?

Be honest at their level. Acknowledge reality without burdening them with details. 'Mom and Dad are working through some difficult things. That's not ...

How do I co-parent during this?

Treat [co-parenting](/answers/she-wants-out/whats-the-difference-between-alienation-and-a-childs-authentic-response-to-my-behavior) as a business part...

She's turning the kids against me — what do I do?

First, distinguish between alienation and a child's [authentic response](/answers/becoming-the-man/how-will-he-handle-my-doubt-if-hes-genuine) to your...

Kids are caught in the middle — how do I protect them?

Stop putting them there. They're 'in the middle' because adults are treating them as messengers, allies, or witnesses. Your job: communicate directly ...

What if she wants to move away with the kids?

This is a legal matter requiring immediate attorney involvement. In most jurisdictions, she cannot unilaterally relocate with the children — especiall...

How do I be a good dad through this?

Show up. Even when you don't feel like it. Even when you're broken. Your presence — consistent, calm, loving — is the most important thing you can giv...

What do kids understand at different ages?

Younger children think concretely and may fear abandonment or blame themselves. School-age children understand more but may try to fix things or take ...

How do I repair if I've already exposed them to too much?

Acknowledge it, apologize appropriately, and change your behavior. Children are remarkably resilient — but only if the harmful behavior stops and repa...