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Fighting For Her

The tactics. When to pursue, when to pull back. How to win her heart without losing yourself.

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Her Resentment

She brings up things from years agoShe has a list of everything I did wrongShe can't seem to forgive the pastShe says I killed her love over timeHow do I address years of built-up hurt?She doesn't believe I understand what I didHer resentment runs deeper than I knewIs some damage too deep to repair?

Clinical Understanding

What is 'accumulated resentment'?How does unaddressed hurt compound?What is 'resentment inventory' and does she have one?What happens when small wounds never heal?What is 'marital debt' and how do I pay it down?Why does she remember everything I forgot?What does she need to release the resentment?What does genuine repair look like for old wounds?

Attachment Depth

What are 'attachment injuries' and how many did I cause?Why does one wound matter more than a hundred good days?What is an 'apology' vs. 'repair' vs. 'attunement'?Why didn't my past apologies work?What does she need to hear that I haven't said?What is 'felt understanding' and how do I give it?What's the difference between explaining and validating?Can old attachment injuries be healed?

Theological Frame

What does reconciliation require that apology doesn't?What is restitution and do I owe it?What did Zacchaeus model about making things right?How do I make amends for years of failure?What does repentance look like for accumulated sin?Does she need to forgive me for healing to happen?What if I've confessed but she won't release?What does 'godly sorrow' look like in practice?

Discernment

How do I discern God's will for my marriage?What role does Scripture play in discernment?What role does the Spirit play?What role does wise counsel play?What role do circumstances play?How do I distinguish my desires from God's direction?What if godly people disagree on what I should do?How do I hear God when I'm in crisis?

What He Should Be Doing

What does 'the work' actually mean?What is he doing with his coach?Is his program legitimate?What should he be learning?How involved should I be in his process?Should I talk to his coach?What can I expect from this process?How long does real transformation take?

Process Framework

What does quality coaching/therapy include?What should he be working on in order?What are the stages of change work?What does integration mean vs. just learning?What does good homework look like?How do I evaluate his program quality?What questions should I ask about his process?What are red flags in coaching/therapy?

What You Should See

What daily practices indicate commitment?What should change in his communication?What should change in his conflict behavior?What should change in his emotional regulation?What should change in his responsiveness to you?What should his relationship with accountability look like?What does proactive repair look like?What does humility in process look like?