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Separation & Space

She moved out. Or you did. Now what? How to handle distance without losing ground.

112 answers

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Clinical Framework

What is 'emotional disengagement'?What's the difference between conflict and disengagement?What are Gottman's signs of 'turning away'?What does research say about emotional disconnection patterns?What is the 'pursuer-distancer' dynamic?What is 'flooded' and did she shut down because of it?What's the difference between her being withdrawn and being done?How do I assess how far gone she is?

Attachment Lens

What does avoidant attachment look like in a wife?Is her shutdown protective or permanent?What is 'deactivation' and did I cause it?What attachment injuries lead to this kind of withdrawal?What happened to her attachment to me?Why does she seem to attach to everyone but me?What is 'earned avoidance' from marriage pain?Can deactivated attachment reactivate?

Neuroscience

What happens neurologically when bonding shuts down?What does chronic stress do to her capacity for connection?What is 'freeze' in polyvagal terms?Why does she seem numb/flat/dead inside?What does 'dorsal vagal shutdown' look like in marriage?What would help her nervous system feel safe again?What have I done that made connection feel unsafe?Can neural bonding pathways reopen?

The Physical Distance

She doesn't want to be touchedWe haven't had sex in months/yearsShe flinches when I reach for herIs our marriage sexless forever?How do I initiate when she always says no?She says she's just not interested anymorePhysical intimacy feels like a chore to herShe only touches me when kids are watching

Sexual Dynamics

What is 'responsive desire' vs. 'spontaneous desire'?What kills female sexual desire in marriage?What does research say about sexless marriage recovery?What's the relationship between emotional safety and sexual desire?What is 'sexual aversion' and does she have it?What's the difference between low desire and no desire?What role does resentment play in sexual shutdown?What conditions need to be in place for desire to return?

Trauma Informed

Could her sexual shutdown be trauma-related?What is 'sexual trauma' and how does it affect marriage?Did something I did create sexual fear?What does coercion do to sexual desire long-term?What does 'body keeps the score' mean for our sex life?What if her withdrawal is protection not rejection?How do I pursue without pressuring?What does healing from sexual disconnection look like?

Attachment & Intimacy

What does sex mean to her attachment system?Why is sex about safety not just desire for women?What is 'attachment sex' vs. 'validation sex'?Why might she feel used not loved during sex?How do I rebuild emotional intimacy first?What's the connection between feeling known and wanting sex?Why do my bids for sex feel like demands to her?How do I create conditions for desire without manipulation?

Clinical Understanding

What is 'stonewalling' and why does she do it?What's the difference between stonewalling and self-protection?What does 'emotional flooding' feel like for her?Why did she stop fighting?What does giving up look like vs. regulating?What is 'emotional fatigue' in marriage?Why does indifference feel worse than anger?What does it mean when contempt has replaced anger?

Attachment Depth

What does 'dismissive-avoidant' look like in practice?Is she protecting herself or punishing me?What did I do that made vulnerability feel unsafe?What is 'attachment shutdown'?How do I become a safe person again?What would make her want to risk opening up?What does 'earned security' mean and how do I help her get there?Why does my desire to talk make her withdraw more?

Polyvagal Frame

What is 'dorsal vagal' state?Is she in shutdown, not choosing coldness?What signals threat to her nervous system?What do I do that activates her defense?What would help her ventral vagal (social engagement)?How do I co-regulate with someone who won't engage?What does safety look like to her nervous system?What micro-moments might begin to shift this?

Divorce & Remarriage

What does Scripture say about divorce?Is divorce a sin?Does God hate divorce?What did Jesus say about divorce?What's the exception clause?Does adultery justify divorce?What about abandonment?If I divorce, can I remarry?

Biblical Survey

What is the Deuteronomy 24 background?What did the Pharisees believe about divorce?What is Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5 vs. Matthew 19?What does Mark 10 add to the picture?What is Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7?What is 'Pauline privilege'?How have these texts been interpreted historically?What are the main evangelical positions on divorce?

The Exception Clause

What is 'porneia' and what does it include?Does the exception clause allow divorce or require it?What is the 'unlawful marriage' interpretation?What is 'no-fault' divorce and is it biblical?What about emotional abuse as grounds?What about addiction as grounds?What about mental illness as grounds?What about perpetual unfaithfulness?

Remarriage Questions

What does 'commits adultery' in Matthew 19 mean?Does divorce always prohibit remarriage?What if I was the innocent party?What if I was the guilty party but have repented?What about divorce before I was a Christian?What does the church say about remarriage?What are the different denominational positions?How do I discern what's right for me?